The Ultimate Wedding Jokes Collection
Welcome to our comprehensive collection of Wedding jokes. We’ve gathered over 80 jokes covering every aspect of wedding humor.
Short Wedding Jokes
Why do they call it a “wedding”? Because “the end of all freedom” was too long!
I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She said, “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.” So I bought her nothing.
Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Got a wedding invitation that said “$150 per plate.” I didn’t realize there would be such a price to love!
Why do grooms always look good? Because they’re marrying the love of their life. Or at least the one who tolerates their obsession with video games.
After the wedding, the bride said, “Now I won’t have to pretend I care about sports anymore.”
If you want to ruin a wedding, simply ask the bride if she’s going to change her last name to “Moore.”
Q: What did the groom say at the wedding altar?
A: “I’m here, aren’t I?!”
What did the bride say when she found out her husband was a magician? “I do believe in magic, but you’re going to have to make my mother disappear!”
Why was the math book sad on its wedding day? Because it had too many problems!
A wedding is the only time when the bride looks amazing, and the groom remembers all the embarrassing things he’s done over the years.
Why did the bride bring a ladder to the wedding? Because she heard the best men were “above” everyone else!
What type of music do aliens play at their weddings? Space Jam!
Why did the bride refuse to sign the prenup? She said she couldn’t “afford” to get married just to get “unmarried”!
Did you hear about the married couple who went to the gym? They were trying to work off their “love handles”!
What happens when you kiss a girl on your wedding day? You get a ticket to the happiest place on Earth: your own home!
Why did the groom bring a pencil to the wedding? Because he wanted to draw a conclusion!
Did you hear about the terrible wedding planner? Someone should have told her that she can’t just wing it!
How do you organize a fantastic wedding? You “knot” it together!
Why do brides wear white? So it goes with absolutely everything – including her husband’s excuses!
A tight budget and a big wedding? Now that’s a financial knot!
Why did the wedding cake go to the doctor? It felt a little crumby!
They say love is blind. I guess that’s why I’m still married after all those bad jokes!
What did the bride say to the DJ at the wedding? “I want you to ‘turn up’ the romance!”
Why did the bride always carry a pencil at the wedding? In case she needed to “sketch” out a new plan!
What did one bride say to the other at the wedding? “I love your dress, but I *spied* on your guest list!”
Why did the groom start a gardening business after the wedding? Because he wanted to cultivate a love that grows!
Why was the groom excited about the wedding night? He couldn’t wait to “unpack” all the surprises!
Medium Wedding Jokes
Why do married people live longer? Because they don’t have to listen to their spouses arguing about who’s going to take out the trash!
As the bride walked down the aisle, her mother whispered to her, “Honey, are you really sure about this?” The bride replied, “Mom, the wedding is the easy part; it’s the marriage that’s hard!”
A husband exclaimed, “I told you I loved you when we got married!” His wife replied, “Well you could have at least said it again every now and then!”
During the vows, the groom said, “I promise to always cherish and respect you.” The bride replied, “And I promise to try and find your socks when they don’t match!”
A couple were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. The husband joked, “You know, I still remember the day I promised to love you for better or worse!” The wife replied, “Yeah, but I didn’t know it would be *this* much worse!”
At a wedding, the best man whispered to the groom, “You’re going to wish you never got married.” The groom said, “Why would I wish that?” The best man responded, “Because live baseball is cheaper than your wedding fees!”
As the bride exited the venue, one of the guests said, “You look stunning!” She replied, “Thank you! You should see me without all this fuss!”
A bride told her friends, “I can’t believe I’m finally getting married!” One of her friends said, “Are you sure about this?” The bride responded, “Of course! I have to beat the Instagram algorithm somehow!”
What did the best man say when he was asked if he’d ever get married? “Why settle for one partner when I can have all the fun at someone else’s wedding?”
A groom was asked for advice on his wedding day. He said, “Stay calm, no one pays any attention to what you say!”
Once, a groom forgot his wedding vows. The officiant said, “Just speak from the heart.” The groom replied, “But my heart doesn’t have a script!”
The bride’s father looked at her and said, “You know honey, if you ever change your mind about getting married, I’ll always be here for you.” She winked and replied, “Dad, I’m not changing my mind; I’m just changing my last name!”
A couple celebrated 60 years of marriage. The wife said, “You know, we’ve had our ups and downs.” The husband replied, “Yeah, but mostly they were just the ups!”
During a wedding rehearsal, the bride accidentally tripped. The groom caught her and said, “See, that was our first marital ‘uh-oh!’”
On their wedding day, the groom nervously asked, “What if I mess up my vows?” The bride smiled and said, “Just skip to the part where you say ‘I do’!”
The day of the wedding, the bride asked the groom, “Do I look beautiful?” He replied, “You look fantastic! Just don’t trip while walking down the aisle, okay?”
The bride and groom spent their honeymoon trying to figure out what to watch on Netflix. They finally agreed: “Anything except romantic comedies!”
The groom complained, “I had no idea being married would require so many compromises!” The bride replied, “It’s called planning together – get used to it!”
At a wedding, the bride leaned in and said, “Now, we can focus on our future together!” The groom chuckled, “Yeah, as long as it doesn’t involve sharing dessert!”
Why did the bride wear sneakers under her wedding dress? She wanted to be ready for a ‘runaway bride’ moment!
Long Wedding Jokes Stories
Once at a wedding, the best man was incredibly nervous. He kept pacing back and forth, muttering to himself. When it came time for his speech, he grabbed the mic and started, “Ladies and gentlemen, I must confess…” Everyone grew silent. “I don’t know why I was chosen as the best man. The only skill I have is knowing how to pretend like I know what I’m doing.” People burst out laughing, and he relaxed, saying, “I’m still glad to be here celebrating love, even if I am winging it!”
The bride and groom had their honeymoon planned to an exotic location, but when they arrived, it started raining. The bride said, “It’s okay! Let’s embrace the adventure!” The groom looked out at the downpour and replied, “More like embracing the ‘stay indoors’ option!” They ended up having the best time building pillow forts and playing games in their hotel room.
At a wedding reception, the DJ played the couple’s song, and they started to dance. The groom whispered, “People say this is the best moment of my life. Is it all downhill from here?” The bride giggled, “No, but we do have to organize dinner party invitations!”
During the vows, the groom promised to always support his bride. She replied, “And I promise to support your obsession with video games, as long as you remember my ‘gamer score’ is higher!”
The wedding cake was decorated beautifully. As soon as it was unveiled, the groom and his buddies took bets on who would end up face-first in it. The bride heard them and chimed in, “You know, this isn’t just a cake; it’s a competition!” Later, they ended up smashing the top tier in each other’s faces, proving that fun always wins.
Once, during a wedding toast, the groom started talking about how he knew the bride was the one. “I expected a fairy tale ending,” he said. “But instead, I got a Netflix series — many episodes and no season finale!” Everyone laughed, and the bride teased, “Just make sure to renew your subscription!”
The couple decided on a hilarious theme for their wedding. Guests were all asked to come dressed as their favorite movie characters. The groom showed up as James Bond, but he kept misplacing the ring. The bride, dressed as Wonder Woman, said, “Don’t worry, they’ll just think it’s part of the show!”
During their wedding vows, the bride said, “I promise to always remember our special date — it’s the same as my favorite ice cream flavor!” The groom exclaimed, “Is it chocolate mint or just plain chaos?”
A bride handed out personalized vows to her friends at the reception. They loved it so much that they vowed to return the favor. “Now I can finally tell you what I think when you sneak desserts from my plate!” one of her friends teased, and the bride joked, “Just be warned, I’m still a dessert ninja!”
At their wedding, the groom brought unexpected humor when he revealed he had written a “cancelation policy.” He said, “If you don’t laugh at my jokes after a month, you can return me for store credit!” The bride responded with a grin, “And it’s a no-return policy for my cooking!”
When asked about their secret to a happy marriage, the groom said, “We keep pizza and date nights sacred!” The bride added with a wink, “And remember, the more toppings, the happier I am!” Everyone erupted in laughter.
After years of planning, the wedding day was perfect until the bride’s father, in a rush to get to the church, accidentally knocked over the wedding cake. The bride and groom started laughing helplessly. The bride said, “At least it’s a tasty mess!” They repurposed the remaining cake as “cake pops” for everyone to enjoy.
The morning of their wedding, the couple exchanged letters. The bride wrote, “Today, I’ll wear white, but after the ring is on my finger, I’ll go back to bright colors!” The groom responded, “And I’ll wear my full suit. Because life is too short for boring flannel!”
At their wedding, the couple made a surprise announcement, “We’re officially accepting vote counts for the ‘Best Speech’ and ‘Best Dancer’ awards throughout the night!” The guests cheered, eager to cast their votes via text and see who would win.
Lastly, the honeymoon was an adventure! They got lost in a small town, but they loved the experience. The groom said, “Getting lost is just our way of finding ourselves!” The bride nodded and added, “Or our way of discovering that we’re really bad at reading maps!”
And that’s the end of our wedding journey, full of love, laughter, and undeniable adventure!