The Ultimate Train and Railway Jokes Collection
Welcome to our comprehensive collection of Train and railway jokes! We’ve gathered over 80 jokes covering every aspect of train and railway humor.
Short Train and Railway Jokes
Why don’t trains ever get lost? They always follow their tracks!
How do trains eat? They chew-chew!
Why did the train conductor break up with his girlfriend? She had too many baggage issues!
What is a train’s favorite type of music? Locomotive Rock!
Why did the steam engine get kicked out of the bar? It couldn’t handle its boiler pressure!
Why do train engineers make great friends? They always know how to get you to the right track!
What do you call a train that sneezes? A choo-choo train!
Why did the railway worker take a nap? He needed to recharge his “track-tion”!
What’s a train’s favorite game? Chugga-chugga-choo-choo Monopoly!
Why was the train late? Because it couldn’t find its “track-ing” number!
How does a train cook its meals? On the track grill!
What do you call a well-dressed train? A “suit”case on wheels!
Where do trains go for vacation? To the tracks of Hawaii!
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was “two-tired” after the train ride!
What did the train say to its passengers? “Mind the gap!”
Why did the railway enthusiast become a successful banker? He had a good sense of “train-ing” and interest!
Where do trains keep their spare parts? In the “track-tory”!
What do you call a ghost on a train? A “boo” locomotive!
Why do trains always bring a pen? In case they need to “track” their expenses!
Why was the captain of the train lonely? Because he was always on the “lines”!
What does a train use to communicate? “Track” phones!
Why are trains such good storytellers? They always have a great plot with unexpected turns!
What do trains do when they hear a nice melody? They “choo”-sically react!
Why did the train always win arguments? It had the best “point of view!”
What do you call a train that tells jokes? A “laugh-ing stock!”
Why are trains bad at soccer? Because they keep getting “off track”!
What did the passenger say to the angry train? “You need to chill; let off some steam!”
Why did the train never play cards? Because it was afraid of the ‘deck’ being stacked against it!
What did the bit of chalk say to the train? “You’re always being drawn in!”
What’s a train’s favorite dessert? A “loco-muffin”!
Why does everyone love trains? Because they “track” down fun!
Medium Train and Railway Jokes
Why did the conductor sleep on the job? Every time he tried to “stay awake,” his mind went off the rails! But it wouldn’t be a bad idea if he had a “track-cation” before working again!
A timid train decided to take a journey across the country. On the way, it whispered to its passengers, “I’m not going to speed up… just let’s take it one ‘track’ at a time!” The passengers enjoyed the slow ride and they all said, “This is the best adventure we’ve had!”
A train and a car were having a race. The train said, “I’m going to win this for sure!” The car replied, “Well, you’ll have to make sure you don’t ‘track’ down the wrong path!” And just then, the train got derailed at the station, while the car drove straight to victory!
Two trains were chatting at the station. One said, “Do you ever feel tired after all this traveling?” The other replied, “Nah, I just tell myself to ‘track’ it out and keep rolling!” And they both laughed, knowing they’d never run out of steam.
Why was the train afraid of thunderstorms? It didn’t want to lose its “track” and get derailed! A fellow train said, “Just go slow; you’ll chug through the storm!”
A station master always told passengers, “Keep your tickets ready; it helps us keep on track!” One day, during an inspection, he lost his ticket. “Guess I’m off the ‘reservation!’” he joked as everyone erupted in laughter!
Why did the train refuse to leave the station? It couldn’t find its “track” shoes! Once it located them, it called, “All aboard for a fun ride!”
A train was giving a motivational speech at a school. It began, “Listen, life is all about staying on the right tracks. There will be bumps, but they’ll only make us stronger!” The children cheered, and one shouted, “I want to be a train when I grow up!”
A train approached a tunnel and heard a choir inside. It said, “I need to catch that ‘track!’ I can’t be late!” But once inside, it couldn’t help but join in, singing, “Here comes the choo-choo train… rolling through the lane!”
One day, a train got tired of its route and decided to explore. It went off the beaten track and found a beautiful trackside village. The residents cheered, “Finally! Someone who knows how to ‘sooth’ the tracks!”
A wise old train once told a young one, “Always remember: life is like a train journey. Sometimes, you’ll have delays, but the destination is worth every hiccup!” The young train nodded and replied, “Thanks for the ‘track’ advice!”
Two trains were comparing journeys. One said, “I traveled across the mountains this week!” The other replied, “Pfft. I took a shortcut through a ghost town! Talk about a haunting ‘track’ record!”
A group of trains started a band and called themselves “The Track Tones.” Their first song? “Chugging Along!” It was such a hit, they got a record deal…and a million fans who couldn’t get enough of their “track-tastic” music!
A train was known for being punctual but had one weakness: chocolate! One day, it arrived late because it stopped at a chocolate factory! “Sorry, I got too ‘stuck on the sweets!’” it chuckled, and the passengers didn’t mind a bit.
A passenger remarked to a train, “You really ‘ex-press’ yourself well!” The train smirked and replied, “Well, it’s just how I role… I mean, ‘track!’”
A train fantasy camp was in town, where people pretended to be trains. One participant was overly realistic, acting like a train during lunch. He chugged his drink and said, “All aboard for soda!” The others laughed, recognizing he was really “on track!”
One day, a train started telling tales of its adventures. “Last week, I dropped passengers at the ocean!” The others whispered, “Wow! He can really make a splash off the rails!”
One evening, a train sighed, “I wish we all had a turbo boost!” Its buddy replied, “Nah, we are just fine being sleek and ‘track’ ready!” And in that moment, they both agreed to appreciate their tracks, not the speed!
As two trains passed each other, one glanced over and said, “You look ‘fuel-tastic’ today!” The other chuckled, saying, “Thanks! Just fueled up and ready to roll!”
A train invited a car to its birthday party. The car complained, “I won’t fit on your tracks!” The train replied confidently, “Don’t worry! We’ll make a ‘track’ for everyone!”
The station did a grand reopening, and the trains held a celebration. One train shouted, “Let’s get this ‘track-tacular’ party started!” Everyone cheered and danced both on and off the rails!
Long Train and Railway Jokes Stories
Once, there was a rail worker named Tim who became so passionate about trains that he made his own little railway track in his backyard. One day, eager to show off, he invited all of his neighbors over for a ride. As the whistle blew and the little train chugged along, it started to rain. The neighbors laughed and shouted, “What are we waiting for, a rain delay?” Tim grinned, “Nope, just making it a ‘splashy’ adventure!”
In a busy train station, a young boy named Benny dreamt of being a train conductor. One day, he saw an old train engine acting stubborn, refusing to move. Benny stood in front of it and said, “If you don’t start, I’ll have to call for a ‘steam’ team!” The old train chuckled and replied, “Fine, you got me! Let’s get this show on the road!” And just like that, Benny boarded the train and embarked on his greatest journey yet.
A comedy club decided to host a “train night” where everyone had to tell train-related jokes. As the night went on, the jokes got funnier, and the crowd erupted with laughter. When Tony, one of the comedians, went up to perform, he said, “If trains had a dating app, would they call it ‘Track-Match’?” The audience roared with laughter as he went on to discuss how difficult it would be if trains started ‘ghosting!’
There was once a train that always boasted about its speed. “I get from station to station faster than any of you!” it claimed. The other vehicles rolled their eyes. One day, the train challenged a tortoise to a race. The tortoise, although slow, was determined. On the day of the race, the train sped off quickly and fell asleep! The tortoise crossed the finish line first, and the train woke up surprised. “I guess I need to ‘track’ my naps too!” it joked.
In a small town, a local train became famous for always being late. One day, the townsfolk decided to throw a celebration in its honor, calling it “The Lateness Festival.” People gathered and danced while waiting for the train. When it finally arrived, the conductor laughed, “I apologize for my punctuality—let’s party like we’ve got all the time in the world!”
There was a legendary train said to be haunted. Passengers always reported strange noises and flickering lights. Curiosity got the best of a brave group who boarded it one night. As they reached the darkest part of the journey, the train suddenly shook. They all screamed! But when they entered the next car, a surprise party awaited them with signs saying, “Welcome aboard!” It turned out the haunting was just the conductor playing pranks on timid passengers!
In the rolling hills of a countryside village, old Thomas the Tank Engine became quite popular among the kids. One day, a visiting child asked, “Do you ever go off the tracks?” Thomas replied, “Only when I’m off on an adventure!” The children laughed and proclaimed him “The King of Chug!”
A train set was malfunctioning, and no one could figure out why it kept derailing. Finally, a technician found a crumpled piece of paper in the tracks—a children’s drawing saying, “I drew you a shortcut!” Everyone laughed, realizing the little mess had created a fun story around the old engine!
One day, a train introduced its new friend, a roller coaster, to the other trains. “Get ready for the rush of your life!” the train said, but the roller coaster responded, “I can take the highs, but I am afraid of the lows.” The trains rallied around, saying, “We’ll get you through every ‘loop’ and ‘dip’ together!”
In another town, a train was the centerpiece of a community garden. It didn’t move, but every season, it changed colors as flowers bloomed around it! Gardeners teamed up to ensure the train was lovingly cared for, and every time someone asked, “Where’s your ticket?” they replied, “It’s right here among the blooms!”
A quirky inventor built a train that could float on the water. During its first trip, it glided through calm lakes, and people were confused. The conductor cheerfully called out, “All aboard for a ‘track-tastic’ experience on water!” Everyone hopped on for an unforgettable ride, and it became the new sensation across the region!
Once, at the train yard, an argument broke out between two engines. “I’m faster!” said Diesel. “I’ll prove it!” Steam replied. A race was set, and as they zoomed off, Diesel sped ahead while Steam took its time, enjoying the sights. In the end, Diesel waited at the finish line, only to find Steam had stopped to help a stranded traveler! Diesel chuckled, “Sometimes, it’s not just about speed; it’s about the journey!”
In an artistic town, a train became the canvas for a graffiti competition. Artists poured their creativity on the train’s exterior, transforming it into a moving art piece. The train rolled proudly, showcasing its vibrant colors while passengers admired the show. Every stop became a mini-exhibition, and everyone felt lucky to take part in the ‘track-tacular’ event!
A shy train decided it wanted to join a traveling troupe. On its first outing, it hesitated and said, “I don’t think I can make it across that steep hill!” The other trains cheered, “Believe in your engine and just ‘chug’ along!” With encouraging honks, it made it over, discovering the joy of performing in front of its station fans!