The Ultimate Tourist Jokes Collection
Welcome to our comprehensive collection of tourist jokes! We’ve gathered over 80 jokes covering every aspect of tourist humor.
Short Tourist Jokes
Why did the tourist bring a ladder to the bar? Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
What do you call a tourist who always gets lost? A “wander-lost”!
Why did the tourist put their money in the blender? Because they wanted to make some liquid assets!
How do you make a tourist smile? Just say, “It’s free!”
Why don’t tourists trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something!
What’s a tourist’s favorite game? Go Fish, especially when in Venice!
Why did the tourist sit on a clock? They wanted to be on time!
What do you call a lazy tourist? A “beach potato”!
Why was the tourist always calm? Because they took everything in stride-ways!
What did the tourist say to the hotel manager? “I’d like a room with a view…and a vacuum!”
Why did the tourist fail their driving test? Because they kept stopping to take pictures!
What do tourists do when they lose their luggage? They “bag” their problems!
Why do tourists dislike math? Because they can’t find the “sum” of their issues!
What did one tourist say to another at the Eiffel Tower? “I’m having a real up-lifting experience!”
Why do tourists love sandwiches? Because they can’t resist the “sub”-version!
What did the tourist see in the mirror? A “sight-seer”!
Why did the tourist get kicked out of the museum? Because they kept taking “self-portraits” with the paintings!
How do you spot a tourist at dinner? They’re the one asking for directions to the restroom!
What do you call a tourist who’s great at navigating? A “way-finder”!
Why did the tourist bring a pencil to the beach? In case they needed to draw the line!
What’s a tourist’s favorite part of Europe? The “Eu-rope” of their trip!
Why was the tourist always tired? Because they wouldn’t stop sightseeing!
Medium Tourist Jokes
Why did the grammar-loving tourist get kicked out of the restaurant? They kept correcting the menus to say “the entrees are here” instead of “these entrees are here”! Talk about a “bad order”!
A tourist asked a local, “What’s the best way to get to the city center?” The local replied, “Are you walking or taking a car?” The tourist responded, “I was hoping for a straight answer!”
Two tourists were lost in a foreign city. One said, “Let’s ask for directions.” The other cautioned, “But what if the locals don’t speak our language?” The first one replied, “Just do the universal sign for lost! You know, flailing arms and panic!”
A couple on vacation decided to take a hot air balloon ride. They were enjoying the view until they realized they were floating away from their destination. The husband panicked and asked the wife, “What do we do now?” She calmly said, “Enjoy the ride — at least it’s a ‘high’ adventure!”
The tourist looked at the ancient wonder and said, “Isn’t it amazing how they built this?” The tour guide replied, “Well, they had a lot of time and not enough tourists!”
During a city tour, a tourist exclaimed, “Why do they call it the ‘mystical forest’?” The guide said with a grin, “Because it gets even more mysterious when you lose your way!”
{“What does a tourist say when they finally make it to a famous landmark? “I guess my life has just become picture-perfect!””}
Why did the tourist decide to pack extra snacks? They heard that the journey to see the wonders could take a while, and they didn’t want to “snack” out on the sights!
After days of sightseeing, a tourist finally got tired. They sighed, “This trip has been a whirlwind of adventures!” Their friend replied, “Don’t worry, soon we’ll ‘land’ back home!”
A tourist wandered into a strange restaurant and asked the waiter, “What’s the best dish?” The waiter replied, “Honestly, just stick with the pizza! Even tourists can’t mess that up!”
While hiking, a tourist got lost and called for help. When a local found them, they said, “Should’ve read the signs!” To which the tourist replied, “I thought hiking was about ‘treading’ lightly!”
Why did the tourist take a sketchbook everywhere? They believed in capturing every moment, especially since their memory wasn’t “tourist-proof”!
A tourist entered a café and saw a sign: “Try our famous dessert!” They asked the waiter, “What’s it made of?” The waiter replied, “Tourist dreams and sugar — now that’s a sweet deal!”
What did the tourist say when asked about local cuisine? “I’m here for the ‘taste of travel’, not just the ‘taste buds’!”
Why did tourists enjoy visiting the zoo? Because watching the animals was more relaxing than dealing with their own travel schedules!
When the tour guide said, “If you drop your phone, you may not get it back,” the tourist instantly held on tighter. They thought, “I’d rather navigate without a map than a broken screen!”
A tourist tried to join a local dance circle. After one step in, they exclaimed, “Guess this isn’t my ‘kind of jig’!”
A couple found a unique souvenir shop and bought several items. The wife said, “I love these treasures!” The husband replied, “We’re like tourists in our own lives!”
During a city tour, a tourist led the group in singing local songs. One fellow tourist muttered, “I came for the sights, not the sounds!”
The tourist took a selfie in front of a monument and said, “This will be the highlight of my trip!” Their friend teased, “But what about the actual highlights?”
Long Tourist Jokes Stories
One sunny morning, a tourist named Frank excitedly booked a guided tour to a historic castle. After arriving, he eagerly pressed his face against the glass of the tour bus for a better view. When the guide asked him to step back, Frank replied, “I want to see how royalty lives!” The guide chuckled, “Frank, I assure you they don’t live in a glass cage!”
During a group trip, a tourist named Sarah was determined to try every local delicacy. One night, she ordered something mysterious and stared at it in horror when it arrived. “What is this… surprise intestines?” she gasped. The local said, “No, that’s how we surprise our tourists!” Everyone burst into laughter, and Sarah tried a bite anyway!
A couple named Tom and Lisa visited a popular tourist destination. While browsing trinkets, Tom spotted a giant sombrero. “I’ve got to wear this for my next photo!” he laughed. When he finally donned the hat outside, a gust of wind lifted it into the air, and Tom chased it around the square shouting, “Come back, you tour-stealer!”
As a family approached an intriguing ancient structure, their teenage son groaned, “Do we really have to take another picture?” His mother replied, “Yes! This is proof you came with us and didn’t just ‘virtually visit’!”
A tourist was exploring an unfamiliar city and stopped to ask for directions. He approached a local vendor who confidently gave him the wrong information but added, “You’ll discover new corners of the city this way!” The tourist ended up in a completely different neighborhood and decided to embrace the adventure, saying, “Guess this detour is more about the journey than the destination!”
On a guided tour, a tourist lifted his camera and aimed at the guide while they explained local folklore. The guide stopped and remarked, “Sir, you can’t capture my good looks like that; you need a better angle!” The tourist shot back, “I’ll just leave it up to the experts.”
Samantha was on a hiking tour when she accidentally tripped and fell into a muddy puddle. Laughing, she exclaimed, “I always wanted to make a splash during my travels!” The guide helped her up, saying, “You just found the off-beaten path!”
One evening, a group of tourists planned to visit a famous lookout point. As they climbed the steps, one turned to the others and said, “I prefer a stairway to heaven over a lift any day!” After finally reaching the top, they were met with a view that took their breath away. “Who knew hard work leads to such beauty?”
While exploring ancient ruins, a tourist gazed at a crumbling wall and said, “Just imagine the stories these stones could tell!” The guide replied, “They’d tell you to watch your step and not lean too close!”
A family of four decided to go camping while on vacation. The dad exclaimed, “It’s a great way to connect with nature!” As they set up their tent, they humorously depicted it as “the ultimate test of wills! Who can stay dry?”
On a city tour, a tourist stood slack-jawed in front of a majestic cathedral. He gasped, “This is amazing! Can I take this back home?” The guide chuckled, “Unless you’re a magician, you’ll have to settle for postcards!”
A tourist, fascinated by a street performer, asked if he could join the act. The performer chuckled, “Sure, but only if you can juggle tourist souvenir magnets!”
After losing his way, Jack wandered into a local café. When he asked the barista for coffee, she teased, “We only offer ‘travel fuel’! Are you ready to ‘espresso’ yourself?”
As a tourist drowned in beautiful sights, they realized they had lost track of their friends. They shrugged and quipped, “Not to worry; I can always find new ones when I’m ‘lost’ in this city!”
A tourist made a grand discovery while exploring. They turned to their friend and exclaimed, “In this part of town, the skies are literally the limit!” Their friend replied, “So are the tourist shops — with prices!”
During a majestic sunset, a tourist held their phone high, capturing the moment. “I could stay here forever!” they said. A nearby local responded, “Or until you run out of battery!”