The Ultimate Police Officer Jokes Collection
Welcome to our comprehensive collection of police officer jokes. We’ve gathered over 80 jokes covering every aspect of police officer humor.
Short Police Officer Jokes
Why did the police officer go to the baseball game? He heard someone was stealing second base!
What do you call a police officer in bed? An undercover cop!
Why did the police officer carry a pencil? In case he had to draw his weapon!
How do police officers stay cool during the summer? They use their “squad” car air conditioning!
What do you get when you cross a police officer with a skunk? A stinky cop that still gets respect!
Why did the police officer break up with his girlfriend? She had too many issues with the law!
What kind of music do police officers like? Something catchy!
Did you hear about the police officer whose partner was a dog? He got a “ruff” deal!
What did the police officer say to the magician? “You can’t pull that trick on me!”
Why did the police officer sit on the ticket? He wanted to save it for later!
How does an officer ask for a raise? He “tails” his boss a good story!
What do you call a police officer who plays the piano? A “flat” foot!
Why did the police officer take a nap? He wanted to catch some “criminals” while dreaming!
What’s a police officer’s favorite kind of shoe? High “top” sneakers!
Why did the police officer join a gym? He wanted to work on his “serve” and protect!
What do police officers eat for breakfast? “Cereal” offenses!
How do you make a police officer laugh? Tell them a “pun-derful” joke!
Why are police officers so good at baseball? They always know how to “catch” a criminal!
What do you call a police officer who can play the guitar? An “arrested” development!
What’s a police officer’s favorite exercise? The “jump” squad!
Why don’t police officers play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when they “see” your tail!
What do you call it when a police officer sings? “Officer” and a gentleman!
Why did the police officer bring string to the bar? To tie one on!
What did the traffic cop say to the speeding driver? “You better slow down, or a ticket will be your ‘destiny’!”
Why did the police officer go to art school? To learn how to draw more than just a paycheck!
What do police officers do when they’re bored? They “arrest” themselves!
How did the police officer get out of the zoo? He found a way to break in and then “break out!”
Why did the officer cross the road? To catch the guy who was trying to escape!
Why did the police officer always carry a ladder? In case he needed to scale a case!
What’s the favorite game of police officers? “Cops and Robbers,” of course!
Medium Police Officer Jokes
A police officer caught a burglar. As he was handcuffing him, the officer said, “You shouldn’t have tried to rob a bank. Now you’re going to miss the heist of your life!”
A man asked a police officer, “What do I do if I see a crime happening?” The officer replied, “Witness it from a safe distance and then call me.” The man smirked and said, “I guess I better start watching the news!”
Two police officers were writing a parking ticket. One turned to the other and said, “If we were parked like this, I’d give us a ticket!” The other officer replied, “Only if we parked in the crime scene!”
A cop pulls over a lady for speeding. The lady asks, “Am I going to get a ticket?” The officer smiles and says, “Only if you tell me jokes!” She replies, “Guess I’m out of luck then!”
The rookie cop asked his sergeant, “What should I do if I see someone speeding?” The sergeant smiled and said, “Catch them in traffic! Ticket or a chase, your call!”
A police officer was at a donut shop when he caught a thief stealing donuts. The officer said, “You doughnut know the trouble you’re in!”
During a street interrogation, a crowd formed, and a bystander shouted, “Hey officer, what are you doing?” The cop replied, “Trying to clear up this crime scene.” The bystander quipped, “Just tell them to stop committing crimes; that’ll clear it right up!”
A police officer stopped a man driving a very fancy car. He asked, “What do you do for a living?” The man replied, “I’m a car designer.” The officer sighed and said, “Well, can you design a brake that works? I think you missed one!”
The police were called to a home where a man was foolishly trying to escape. They arrived just in time to catch him trying to climb over a fence. One officer remarked, “You know they’re going to catch you, right?” The man replied, “I was just testing my limits!”
A police officer pulled over an elderly lady. “Do you realize you’re going 25 in a 60 zone?” The lady responded, “Oh dear! I thought it was a speed limit for my age!”
After a drug bust, a cop was cleaning the evidence room when he stumbled upon a huge stash of donuts. He chuckled to himself, “The real reason we call it a ‘sugar high’!”
Sergeant: “You must be an excellent detective if you can find all the missing donuts.” Officer: “Sir, I’m just good at asking the right questions to the back of the counter!”
A police officer went into a bar and said, “I’d like a drink, but hold the crime.” The bartender winked and said, “In that case, all my drinks are on the house!”
A police officer decides to enter a cooking contest. The sergeant asked him, “What dish are you making?” The officer replied, “Arrested pasta! It’s sure to ‘serve’ justice!”
While on patrol, an officer saw a suspicious person trying to enter the park after closing time. “What are you doing?” he asked. The person replied, “I’m just getting some ‘fresh air’!” The officer chuckled, “Fresh air is still under curfew!”
A cop tried to explain to a child why it’s wrong to steal. The child replied, “Well at least I’m not trying to be a cop!” The officer smiled, “True, but stealing doesn’t pay as well!”
During a stakeout, an officer shouted, “I see them!” There was a pause, then the other officer replied, “See who?” The first officer responded, “Exactly!”
The sergeant asked an officer during a training session, “Why are you so bad at dodgeball?” The officer replied, “Because I’d rather ‘arrest’ the ball!”
If you ask a police officer if he’s having a good day, he’ll probably respond, “I’m just trying to avoid a ‘misconduct’!”
Long Police Officer Jokes Stories
One evening, a police officer was patrolling the park when he noticed a man trying to catch a duck. “What are you doing?” he called. The man stammered, “I’m just trying to catch our dinner!” The officer shook his head, “You’re not allowed to catch animals after hours!” The man replied, “Then I guess I’ll have to go catch something else!”
During his first DUI checkpoint, Officer Smith was nervous. A car pulled up, and he leaned in and asked for the driver’s license. Sensing the driver was drunk, he asked, “Have you been drinking?” The driver replied, “Only soda, officer.” Officer Smith jokingly said, “Well, you can’t go bringing your ‘fizzy’ beverages around here!” The driver guffawed and replied, “I promise, no fizzy drinks ever again!”
One day, Officer Jones was called to a scene where a group of ducks had stopped traffic. He jumped into action, shooing them away. A bystander chuckled and said, “Nice job, officer, but I think they’d rather you show them some ‘quack’-tics!” Jones grinned and said, “I’ll make sure to practice my ‘webbed’ feet chasing next time!”
On Halloween, Officer Taylor was on patrol when kids kept scaring him in costumes. He saw a group of kids dressed as ghosts yelling “Boo!” He laughed and said, “Okay, just for tonight, I’m off-duty, but next time, you better show me some ‘trick-or-treat’ skills!”
Officer Reed saw a suspicious vehicle parked outside a convenience store. He approached it cautiously and asked the driver why he was parked there. The driver replied, “Just getting some snacks.” Reed responded, “Well, make sure you don’t ‘snack and drive’!” The driver replied, “Don’t worry, all legit!”
During a night shift, Officer Kelly heard a wild noise coming from an alley. He cautiously approached and found a cat stuck in a trash can. “What are you doing, little guy?” he chuckled. As he freed the cat, it bolted away. Kelly sighed, “Guess I’ll never know if it was chasing ‘garbage’ can dreams!”
At a crime scene, an officer and a detective were arguing about the best coffee shop in town. They were so engrossed in their discussion that they nearly missed finding the crucial piece of evidence. The officer suddenly exclaimed, “And that’s why they call it ‘brewing suspicion’!” The detective laughed, “Well, I’m just glad we brewed up something good!”
On Thanksgiving Day, Officer Martin had to work. As he was putting the “do not cross” tape around a construction site, a kid walked by and asked, “Why can’t we go over there?” Officer Martin grinned, “Because it’s a ‘constructive’ holiday!” The kid laughed, “I get it, officer!”
After a long day, Officer Graham stopped at his favorite diner. The waitress asked, “How’s your day been?” He replied, “Long! I feel like I’ve been running in circles!” She chuckled, “Oh, it’s just a day in ‘the life’ of a ‘running’ cop!”
During a stakeout, Officer Lang and his partner were trying to observe a suspected drug dealer. Officer Lang said, “If we catch him, I’m going to ask him to surrender peacefully. Maybe he’ll listen to reason!” His partner quipped, “Or you could just arrest him and call it even!”
Off duty, Officer Mills went to the museum. While looking at an exhibit, he overheard a kid say to his friend, “That cop looks like he caught things from the past.” Mills turned and said, “You mean ‘artifacts,’ right?” The kids laughed, “Yeah, like donuts!”
While directing traffic, Officer Bennett noticed a car blatantly ignoring his signals. He approached the driver. “Didn’t you see me?” The driver replied, “I thought you were just practicing your ‘traffic’ dance moves.” Bennett smirked, “Well, I’ll be sure to add some swirls next time!”
On a rainy day, Officer Brown helped an elderly lady across the street. As they reached the curb, she said, “I thought I was safer with my umbrella.” The officer replied, “Well, next time, let’s hope you don’t get ‘rained’ on for crossing!”
Officer Lewis was called to a scene of an inexplicable noise. It was a party going on in a nearby apartment. As he knocked on the door, a party-goer said, “We’re just having fun, officer!” Lewis said with a smile, “Just make sure the music doesn’t ‘break’ the law!”
One sunny morning, Officer Reed was teaching kids about road safety. A child asked, “But what if cars don’t listen?” Reed laughed, “Then we ‘honk’ our way to safety!”
During an afternoon shift, Officer Stone responded to a noise complaint. When he arrived, he found a group of kids playing loud music. He said, “Keep it down, or I’ll put you all on ‘blast!’” The kids chuckled and said, “Only if you join us!”
While chasing a pickpocket, Officer Derby slipped and fell. As the crowd gathered, he said, “Trust me, I’m just practicing my ‘downward dog’ technique!” The onlookers laughed, “Well, don’t ‘paws’ for too long!”