The Ultimate Little Johnny Jokes Collection
Welcome to our comprehensive collection of Little Johnny jokes. We’ve gathered over 80 jokes covering every aspect of Little Johnny humor.
Short Little Johnny Jokes
Why did Little Johnny bring a ladder to school? Because he wanted to go to high school!
Little Johnny said, “I’m going to be a lawyer!” His teacher replied, “Why?” He said, “Because I can argue with anyone!”
Why did Little Johnny eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Little Johnny told his mom he wanted to be a magician. She said, “Why not just stick to being a kid?”
Little Johnny asked, “Can I have a dog?” His mom said, “We already have a pet.” He replied, “But it’s just a cat, and it doesn’t fetch!”
Why did Little Johnny fail his math test? Because he wrote “I don’t know” as his answer!
Little Johnny said, “I’m going to start a band!” The teacher asked, “What instrument will you play?” He replied, “My voice – it’s free!”
When asked what he did at school, Little Johnny said, “Learned to draw.” When asked for a picture, he showed a blank piece of paper!
Little Johnny asked, “Can I skip school today?” His mom replied, “No!” He said, “Then can I skip breakfast?”
Why did Little Johnny bring a fishing pole to school? Because he heard school was for catching knowledge!
Little Johnny told his class, “I have a pet goldfish and he’s a really good swimmer!” The teacher asked, “How do you know?” He said, “I take him to swim meets!”
Little Johnny said, “I want to be an astronaut!” The teacher asked, “What’s your plan?” He replied, “To launch myself into space during recess!”
Why did Little Johnny take a ruler to bed? Because he wanted to see how long he slept!
Little Johnny claimed he could hold his breath for five minutes. The teacher challenged him: “Prove it!” He replied, “Just wait until recess!”
Little Johnny said, “I’m going to make a cake!” His mom asked if he needed help. He replied, “Nope, I’m just going to eat the batter!”
Why did Little Johnny bring string to school? He heard it was a great way to tie up loose ends!
Little Johnny asked, “What’s a fire drill?” The teacher said, “It’s practice for emergencies.” He replied, “Then why doesn’t it smell like pizza?”
Little Johnny told his teacher, “I’m going to be a doctor!” She asked, “What will you specialize in?” He said, “Fixing my friends’ boo-boos!”
Why did Little Johnny stare at his homework? He said, “I was trying to see if the answers would pop out!”
Little Johnny said he could cook. His mom asked, “What will you make?” He said, “Chocolate milk! I’ll just add hot water!”
Why was Little Johnny so good at basketball? Because he always knew how to shoot for the stars!
Little Johnny told the teacher, “I can count to a hundred!” The teacher said, “Then go ahead!” He replied, “Okay: one, two, there’s a hundred of them!”
Little Johnny asked his dad, “What’s a shadow?” His dad replied, “It’s what follows you.” Little Johnny said, “Then why is mine always playing outside?”
Little Johnny said, “My dad is a magician!” His friend asked, “What does he do?” He answered, “He makes my allowance disappear!”
Little Johnny told the class, “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it!”
Why did the teacher give Little Johnny a pen instead of a pencil? Because she knew he’d write his own rules!
Little Johnny said he knew how to swim. When asked where, he confidently replied, “In my grandma’s pool!”
Why did Little Johnny always sit near the window? He loved to “soak in” the learning!
Medium Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny asked his teacher, “Can I be punished for something I didn’t do?” The teacher replied, “Of course not! Why do you ask?” Johnny said, “Because I didn’t do my homework!”
One day, Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?” The teacher replied, “Johnny, it’s ‘may I.’” Johnny responded, “Sure, but I still need to go!”
Little Johnny was asked to create a sentence with the word “definitely.” He replied, “My mom said she will definitely buy me ice cream if I clean my room!”
During art class, the teacher asked Little Johnny to draw his favorite animal. He drew a cat riding a bicycle. When asked why, he said, “Because cats are awesome and need exercise too!”
Little Johnny was excited when he got a new bike. He told his friend, “I can’t wait to race home!” His friend replied, “But you don’t know how to ride it yet!” Johnny grinned, “Even better!”
Little Johnny was looking really serious in class. The teacher asked, “What’s wrong?” He replied, “I’m trying to figure out who’s my biggest competition!” The teacher asked, “Who?” He said, “My own daydreams!”
When given an assignment, Little Johnny grinned and said, “Oh boy, I get to do my favorite thing: procrastinate!”
Little Johnny told his teacher, “I want to be famous one day!” The teacher responded, “Well, you have to work hard for it.” He replied, “I’m good at sleeping—does that count?”
Little Johnny walked into the classroom with a huge smile. The teacher asked, “What’s with the smile?” Johnny replied, “I found a dollar!” The teacher said, “That’s great! Now you can buy a book.” He said, “No way; I’m saving it for candy!”
During math class, Little Johnny raised his hand and confidently said, “I know what the square root is!” The teacher asked, “Oh, really? What is it?” Johnny replied, “It’s when you use a calculator!”
Little Johnny stood up and said, “I have a secret to share. I sometimes pretend my cat is my teacher!” The class laughed and one said, “Does she give you homework?” Johnny replied, “Yes, it’s called cleaning the litter box!”
When asked about his family tree, Little Johnny said, “Well, I know I’m a branch that has no leaves!”
Little Johnny exclaimed, “Teacher, I’ve invented new math! It’s called ‘Johnny-matics!’” Intrigued, the teacher asked how it worked. Johnny said, “You just add candy and divide it among friends!”
Little Johnny was late again. When asked why, he said, “My alarm clock made a run for it!”
During a spelling test, Little Johnny wrote “h-o-r-s-e” and then drew a picture. The teacher asked, “Why the drawing?” Johnny replied, “That’s how my horse looks when he runs!”
Little Johnny proudly announced to the class, “I can make my cat stand on its hind legs!” When asked how, he said, “I just put a treat on my head!”
After getting in trouble, Little Johnny told his mom, “I promise, it wasn’t my fault!” She replied, “Then whose was it?” He confidently said, “The cat’s!”
Little Johnny’s report card had a note saying he needed improvement in reading. When asked about it, he said, “But I can read the snack labels just fine!”
During science class, Little Johnny asked, “What’s the biggest equation?” The teacher responded, “That depends on how hungry you are!” Johnny said, “I’d say ‘me + pizza!’”
Little Johnny told his classmates, “I decided to run for class president!” They asked why, and he replied, “To make school lunches longer!”
Long Little Johnny Jokes Stories
Little Johnny was in trouble for not doing his homework. His teacher asked, “Why didn’t you complete it?” Little Johnny replied, “I don’t believe in it. I think it should be optional!” The teacher chuckled, “Well, that’s a bold stance. But without homework, how will you learn?” Johnny said, “Simple – I’ll just read comic books!”
One sunny day, Little Johnny decided to have a lemonade stand. He set it up outside his house and proudly displayed a sign saying, “Best Lemonade Ever!” His neighbor, Mr. Smith, stopped by and bought a cup. After tasting it, he made a face. Johnny asked, “What’s wrong?” Mr. Smith replied, “It’s too sour!” Little Johnny exclaimed, “That’s because I made it with my mom’s lemons!” Mr. Smith chuckled, “Well, then what do you call it?” Johnny replied, “Pucker Up Lemonade!”
During lunch, Little Johnny noticed his friend Timmy didn’t have any dessert. Johnny offered some of his cookies. Timmy looked at him in disbelief and said, “But aren’t you going to eat them?” Little Johnny grinned and said, “I thought I’d share the wealth! Besides, I have a stash!” When Timmy asked where, Johnny replied, “It’s hidden under my bed – but don’t tell my mom!”
Little Johnny’s parents were worried about him playing too many video games, so they sent him to a “No-Screen Weekend.” Johnny, however, had a plan. He gathered his friends at his house and declared, “This is the first-ever ‘Lock the Screens’ tournament!” They spent the weekend hiding from their parents while playing epic hide-and-seek. When asked later what he learned, Johnny proudly proclaimed, “How to play Ninja Masters for real!”
One day, Little Johnny wanted to impress a girl in his class. He decided to write her a love note. He wrote, “Roses are red, violets are blue, if you marry me, I’ll share my snacks with you!” The girl read it and laughed. When asked what she thought, she said, “That’s cute, but I’m more into chefs.” Johnny replied, “Great! I’ll learn to cook snacks!”
When Little Johnny’s teacher asked him to draw his dream job, he produced a picture of himself as a superhero. The teacher smiled and said, “What powers do you have?” Johnny said, “I fly, and my superpower is to eat chocolate cake without getting caught!”
Little Johnny’s mother asked him to clean his room. He replied, “I can’t right now; I’m too busy!” When she asked why, he said, “I’m trying to learn how to organize my chaos!” Later that day, she asked how it was going. Little Johnny said, “I discovered something amazing: I have at least seven different pairs of socks!”
In gym class, when it was time to climb the rope, Little Johnny held back. The teacher encouraged him, “You can do it!” Johnny replied, “What if I get stuck?” The teacher smiled and said, “Then we’ll start a rescue operation!” Johnny thought for a moment and said, “Sounds dangerous. I’m staying on the ground!”
Little Johnny once decided to become a detective. He wore a trench coat and hat, and set off on an adventure in his backyard. After an hour, he returned claiming to have solved a great mystery. His mom asked, “What mystery?” Johnny declared, “Why my dog keeps digging up the yard! It’s because he’s trying to find gold!”
During a school field trip to the zoo, Little Johnny was particularly fascinated by the monkeys. He pointed at them and said, “I bet they throw rocks at each other just for fun!” His teacher chuckled, “You sound like you know quite a bit about animals!” Little Johnny replied, “Of course! They’re a lot like my little brother!”
Little Johnny was notorious for telling tall tales. One day he claimed to see a UFO. His friends asked, “Really?” He replied, “Absolutely! It landed in my backyard!” His friend exclaimed, “Wow! What happened?” Johnny grinned, “I opened my door, and it was just my dad with a pizza, but I like my story better!”
Little Johnny’s class decided to do a bake sale. Each student brought something to sell. When it was his turn, he showed up with a jar full of pickles. His classmates gasped. When asked about it, he said, “Pickles are gourmet if you add chocolate!” They all took a risk and tried it. Surprisingly, Little Johnny said, “See? You never know unless you try!”
One rainy day, Little Johnny and his friends started a DIY puppet show in his living room. After an hour, they put on a performance for Johnny’s mom, but the show ended up being about a cat who just wanted to take a nap. After watching, Johnny’s mom said, “That was riveting!” Little Johnny replied, “I know! It’s a story that speaks to all of us!”
One snowy day, Little Johnny built the most impressive snowman. He decorated it with his dad’s old clothes and used carrots for eyes. When his mom saw it, she said, “Isn’t it a bit too big?” Little Johnny yelled, “No way! He’s just getting ready for summer!”
When Little Johnny was told to be quiet during class, he whispered to his friend, “I’m a loud thinker!” The teacher overheard and said, “Well, maybe we should start a class for loud thinkers!” Johnny replied, “I’d call it ‘Let’s Rumble with Thoughts!’”