The Ultimate Dating Jokes Collection
Welcome to our comprehensive collection of Dating jokes. We’ve gathered over 80 jokes covering every aspect of Dating humor.
Short Dating Jokes
Why did the girl bring a ladder on her date? Because she heard the guy was a real catch!
Dating tip: If they don’t text you back, just assume it’s the “silent treatment” and not a date!
I asked my date what his favorite type of music was. He said, “Anything with a solid B-sides!”
Why don’t scientists trust atoms during dating? Because they make up everything!
My girlfriend said she needed more space. Now we’re in a long-distance relationship!
Why did the computer go on a date? It couldn’t find a byte of love!
I told my date I’d like to go somewhere we could be spontaneous. So, we just went to my ex’s house!
My date told me he worked in a bank. I asked, “Are you good with numbers?” He replied, “Only when it pertains to my savings.”
I went on a date with a birdwatcher. It was all tweets and no treats!
Why do dating apps work like magic? Because they just conjure up dates out of thin air!
My date told me to dress for the job I want. So, I showed up in pajamas!
I dated a mathematician once. She said we had “great chemistry” but terrible sums!
Why was the geometry teacher bad at dating? Because he kept getting into awkward angles!
My date asked me if I believe in love at first sight. I said, “Only if it’s on a dating app!”
I broke up with my GPS. It kept telling me to recalculate and reroute my life!
Why did the smartphone break up with its charger? It felt drained after every date!
What did the snail say to its date? “I love you, but you make me feel so rushed!”
Why don’t fish go dating? Because they are afraid of getting hooked!
I went to a psychic for dating advice. She said, “You’ll meet someone special — but please don’t wear that shirt.”
Why is love like a backache? It always hurts when you try to ignore it!
Did you hear about the baker who went on a date? He found her bread-er half!
My friend said he’d date anyone who could outsmart him. I told him that’s a pretty low bar!
Why did the tomato turn red during his date? Because he saw her ketchup!
I tried online dating, but all I got was a series of unfortunate swipes!
Why did the musician break up with his girlfriend? She didn’t appreciate his pitch!
Dating a librarian is great! There are no late fees, just overdue romance!
My therapist says I have commitment issues. I prefer to call them ‘dating selectivity!’
I asked my date if he had any pets. He said, “Only my ex. She’s a real cat!”
Why do basketball players make terrible partners? They are always taking shots!
I got rejected on a date. Turns out I was too “doughnut”-y for her taste!
Medium Dating Jokes
I once went on a date with a nurse. She asked me if I was feeling fine. I replied, “Only if you are!”
Why did the guy bring a pencil to his date? He wanted to draw her attention, but instead, he drew a blank!
When my date asked what my ideal partner was like, I said, “Someone who can handle my Netflix addiction!” She replied, “Well, I hope they also love binge-watching!”
A guy asked me for dating advice, and I said, “Just be yourself.” He responded, “But I’m a mime!”
I went on a date with a chef, and all she did was talk about her soufflés. I said, “Let’s spice things up!” She replied, “Only if you can handle the heat!”
My date said she was looking for someone to make her laugh. I said, “I hope you brought snacks, because this joke is about to be a ‘cheesy’ one!”
I tried to impress my date by cooking dinner. It ended up being a recipe for disaster — a “hot mess” on a plate!
Why did the computer get dumped on a date? Because it kept freezing up at the wrong time!
I once dated a magician. Every time I tried to ask him a question, he’d say, “A little abracadabra!”
On our first date, I told her I was a gourmet chef. I then burned the toast and said, “I specialize in creating gourmet disasters!”
A man went on a date and said, “I’m looking for someone who’s adventurous.” His date replied, “Great! Let’s climb the highest tree!” He said, “Can we just start with the couch?”
I had a date with a tour guide. She said, “Let’s take a scenic route to love!” So, we ended up stuck in traffic for an hour!
My friend said he went on a date with a baker, and they had some sweet chemistry. I told him, “If things turn sour, just roll with it!”
Why did the chicken join a dating app? Because she heard it was a place for finding “egg-cellent” partners!
My date brought up astrology on our first date. I was like, “Can you look into the stars and tell me if I’ll survive this dinner?”
When I asked my date what her hobbies were, she said, “Collecting bad dates!” I replied, “Sounds like a hobby I’ve mastered!”
I went out with a photographer once. He couldn’t stop posing — at dinner, he kept saying, “Say cheese!”
My date said she loved the mountains. I said, “Well, I’m more of a mole hill kind of guy, but I’ll peak for you!”
Why did the guy refuse to date the vampire? He couldn’t deal with the blood-sucking drama!
On our first date, she asked if I liked poetry. I said, “Only if it rhymes with our goodnight!”
I dated an optometrist once. Every time I got nervous, he’d say, “Don’t blink!”
My date was full of surprises. Just when I thought it was going smoothly, she said, “I have a pet iguana!”
Why did the photographer fall in love? He finally found the perfect frame of reference!
I took a history major on a date, and she said, “Let’s make history together!” I replied, “I’d rather avoid any ‘Ancient ruins’!”
Long Dating Joke Stories
Once, I went on a date with a girl who loved to hike. She said, “Let’s go up that mountain!” Excited, I agreed. Three hours later, I was gasping for air, and she casually mentioned she usually runs marathons. I should’ve known I was dating a fitness fanatic when she offered a “snack” of kale chips halfway up!
I was set up on a blind date with a guy who turned out to be an amateur magician. He started the dinner with “Watch this!” and made my spaghetti disappear. I was impressed until I realized he didn’t pay the bill… now that was a disappearing act!
On a date with a tech enthusiast, we went to a restaurant where he asked me to take a selfie. While posing, he said, “Can you angle yourself a little more to the right?” I was flattered until he said, “I need to make sure you’re in focus before I put you on my dating app!”
One evening I went to a comedy club on a date. I laughed so hard that I accidentally spilled my drink on him. As I apologized, he said, “It’s okay! I’ve been looking for someone to help me ‘wet my appetite’ for love!”
I went to a pottery class with a girl I was dating. She got so into it, she ended up making an entire set of plates for two. I jokingly said, “Wow! What a perfect ‘set’ for our future!” She raised an eyebrow and said, “Are you actually ready for a ‘design’ for life?”
On a camping trip with my date, things took a turn when I couldn’t start the fire. She handed me one of those fire starter kits and said, “Looks like you’re going to need a little assistance to get ignited!” I replied, “I thought that’s what I was here for!”
My date took me to an escape room as a surprise. Of course, she is an escape room champion and I had no clue what I was doing. Halfway through, amid the chaos, she found me staring at a wall and said, “Are you lost?” I replied, “No, I am just contemplating our escape from this date!”
I got set up on a date with a chef who brought me to her restaurant. She proudly proclaimed, “Everything you eat here is made with love!” I couldn’t help but blurt out, “I hope you didn’t put extra love in my pasta!”
On my first date with a girl who claimed to be adventurous, we went skydiving. While in freefall, I screamed out, “I really didn’t think this through!” She laughed and said, “At least we can’t let the date hit the ground!”
I went on a lunch date with a notoriously confusing conversationalist. Halfway through, she asked, “Do you prefer winter or summer?” I said, “Winter, because of the snow!” She replied, “That’s a great argument, but have you considered the merits of ice cream in summer?” That’s when I knew I was in deep water!
Once, I dated a botanist who took me to her garden. She started telling me the names of each plant. I nodded along until she asked, “What do you think of my ‘growing’ interest in botany?” I grinned and said, “I’m still trying to ‘plant’ love seeds!”
At a poetry reading on a date, my partner nervously stood up to read her stanza. “Roses are red, violets are blue, it’s hard to rhyme, but I still like you!” I couldn’t help but shout, “More like a ‘vineyard of love!’” She laughed so hard, she forgot her lines!
When I took a girl on a picnic, she insisted on bringing her dog. Halfway through lunch, the dog scarfed down all our sandwiches! I looked at her and said, “Now we know who really gets the first date dinner!”
I was invited to a piano bar on a date with an aspiring musician. She would occasionally lean in and whisper about the music notes. But then she started serenading me while I was drinking my cocktail! Turns out, I wasn’t the only one getting “tipsy” that night!
I went on a boat date with a girl who was an avid sailor. As she taught me how to tie knots, I completely messed up and said, “So that’s how you tie love into knots!” She winked and replied, “As long as you don’t get ‘tied down’!”
During an art exhibit opening, I found myself lost in interpretation while on a date. I pronounced one abstract piece as ‘moonlight and dreams’. My date replied, “More like ‘chaos and confusion’!” I joked, “Hey, if we can find ‘art’ in ‘chaos’, we’ll have a masterpiece!”