The Ultimate Cousin Jokes Collection
Welcome to our comprehensive collection of Cousin jokes! We’ve gathered over 80 jokes covering every aspect of cousin humor.
Short Cousin Jokes
Why did the cousin bring a ladder to the family reunion? Because they heard the jokes were over everyone’s heads!
My cousin thinks he’s a magician. I asked him to make his jokes disappear!
Why did my cousin get kicked out of the comedy club? His punchlines needed stitches!
What do you call a cousin who tells terrible jokes? A pun-derachiever!
My cousin said he was going to write a book on cousin jokes. I told him, “Better cover your bases!”
I asked my cousin if he’d ever heard of the band ‘1023MB’. He said, “No, but we’re close!”
Why did my cousin always carry a pencil? In case he needed to draw some attention!
My cousin told me a secret that made me laugh. It was so bad, it should have come with a punchline!
How does my cousin stay so fit? By running out of things to say!
What did my cousin say when I asked for a clever joke? “That’s not in my gene pool!”
Why did my cousin and I start a band? We have great sibling harmony!
My cousin told a joke about a roof. I said, “I think it’s over your head!”
What’s a cousin’s favorite type of humor? Family puns!
Why do cousins make terrible detectives? Because they always give themselves away!
I asked my cousin how he feels about jokes. He said, “I’m all about the punchlines!”
What do you get when you cross my cousin with a joke? A laugh-out-loud family reunion!
Why is my cousin like a computer? He’s great at processing data but crashes in social situations!
My cousin thinks he’s a comedian. I said, “Congratulations on your ‘Stand-Up’ career!”
Why did my cousin make a terrible gardener? He couldn’t tell the weeds from the punchlines!
What did I say to my cousin who kept cracking bad jokes? “You’re driving me pun-crazy!”
Why did my cousin apply for a job at the joke factory? He thought he could make it a ‘punch’ line!
My cousin tried to tell a long joke, but I told him it had too many twists!
How does my cousin start every family debate? With a joke and a grin!
Why did my cousin bring a parachute to the family gathering? He heard the humor was going to take off!
My cousin’s jokes always land. Right on the floor!
What’s my cousin’s favorite type of music? Dad jokes on repeat!
Why did my cousin always win at poker? He had a great poker face and no punchlines!
Why don’t cousins ever play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when the jokes keep giving you away!
How do you know my cousin is nearby? You hear crickets and bad jokes!
Why did my cousin take a joke-writing course? Because he wanted to get a degree in humor!
My cousin thinks he has a way with words. I think he just stumbles over the punchline!
Why did my cousin stop telling stories? He couldn’t find the right ending!
Medium Cousin Jokes
One day, my cousin decided he wanted to be a stand-up comedian. He set up a show in his backyard. Halfway through his act, he fell over the lawn chair. I yelled, “Talk about a punchline!”
My cousin said he would take us on an adventure for the family reunion. We ended up at the grocery store. I asked, “Is this your idea of a wild time?” He replied, “Hey, at least I can share some ‘lame’ jokes here!”
Once during a family picnic, my cousin insisted on telling ghost stories. He started with, “Why did the ghost go to the party?” No one was scared. We were just waiting for the punchline!
My cousin challenged me to a joke-off. I went first and nailed it. He just stared blankly. I said, “Looks like you need to work on your delivery!”
At the family reunion, my cousin walked up to me and said, “I just learned a new joke about our family tree.” I asked, “Is it leafy or shady?” He grinned, “Both!”
During a board game night, my cousin tried to cheat, saying, “The rules are just suggestions!” I replied, “Well, so are your jokes!”
My cousin thought he could drive me crazy with his jokes. I turned to him and said, “If you keep this up, I’m going to need a stress ball!”
At dinner, my cousin proposed a toast. He raised his glass and said, “To family and bad jokes – may they never leave our hearts!”
Once, my cousin tried to impress everyone at the barbecue with a joke. He said, “I’m about to tell the best one ever!” But it ended up being so dry, I had to grab some ketchup!
I went to visit my cousin after he graduated, and he started talking about his “life-changing” experiences. I thought, “If only his jokes could graduate too!”
My cousin’s car broke down on the way to the family reunion. When asked what happened, he said, “My humor must have left the engine running!”
One Christmas, my cousin wrapped his jokes up as gifts. I opened one and exclaimed, “You shouldn’t have!” He replied, “Neither should you!”
My cousin loves to brag about how he can read minds. I asked him to read mine. He stared blankly, and I said, “See, now that’s a punchline!”
During a camping trip, my cousin tried to scare us by pretending to be a bear. We all laughed, and I said, “No need for roars when you have jokes that land like that!”
My cousin once wrote a letter to a joke book publisher. It said, “I’d like to contribute. My specialty is at putting smiles on faces – even if they’re hiding behind palm trees.”
At a family wedding, my cousin jumped up to give a toast, and instead told a lengthy joke. Halfway through, I realized, the punchline would be me asking him to stop!
My cousin decided to start a podcast about cousin jokes. I said, “Be careful, or they might finally be too ‘long’!”
My cousin sent jokes over text, and everyone loved them. I replied, “You really have a way with words!” To which he texted back, “And apparently a way with the wrong ones too!”
Last Halloween, my cousin dressed as a dad joke. I asked how he felt about the costume, and he said, “I’m wrapped up in it but still falling flat!”
My cousin attempted to write a sitcom, but it ended up looking like a collection of awkward moments. I commented, “At least you nailed the punchlines!”
During a family vacation, my cousin kept making fun of the tour guide. I told him, “If you keep it up, you’ll be on the next season of ‘America’s Worst Jokes!’”
When my cousin plays the kazoo, he pretended he was in a band. I said, “Congratulations on becoming the world’s worst joke!”
I once asked my cousin how he comes up with jokes. He said, “It’s all about timing!” I retorted, “Then why is yours always off?”
Long Cousin Jokes Stories
At the family reunion, I couldn’t believe my cousin showed up dressed as a superhero. He declared, “Today, I will save the world with my humor!” Of course, the first joke was about how he couldn’t find his cape. Everyone laughed, but I leaned over and whispered, “You might want to start with a punchline that lands!”
One Thanksgiving, my cousin decided to tell the story of how he once won a pie-eating contest. As he dove into the details, there were so many twists and turns, he lost half the crowd. I quipped, “If only the pie was as layered as your storytelling!”
One summer, my cousin attempted to cook a gourmet meal for the family. He opened every can with dramatic flair, announcing how he was basically the next Iron Chef, but forgot to check the expiration dates on the cans. After a particularly questionable stew, we all encouraged him to “just stick to the delivery man jokes!”
My cousin planned a camping trip and insisted on telling ghost stories around the fire. He built up tension and then blurted out, “The scariest part is when I realized I forgot marshmallows!” The punchline was so bad it turned into a whole new game of who could tell the worst camp joke!
My cousin claims he can predict the future. One night at dinner, he said, “I predict laughter in your future!” Then he launched into a series of awful jokes. I muttered, “So, you’re saying my future is full of groans?”
At one wedding, my cousin took it upon himself to be the MC. He started with an embarrassing story about the groom. Halfway through his storytelling, he mixed up punchlines and ended up talking about how much he loved cucumbers. It became a running joke throughout the evening, with everyone waiting to see if he’d ever get it back on track!
During a holiday party, my cousin told us he was working on a new stand-up routine. As he gave us a sneak peek, the setup was fantastic, but the punchline fell flat. I said, “Looks like even Santa’s sleigh couldn’t carry that one!”
On my cousin’s birthday, he told us he wanted to be surrounded by laughter. So, he invited a clown for the occasion. However, the clown’s jokes were so bad that my cousin began to question if he’d truly achieved his goal!
One Christmas, while we decorated the tree, my cousin insisted on telling Elf jokes. After the fifth one, I said, “You know, Santa might just leave you a heavy bag of coal if you keep it up!”
My cousin decided to take comedy classes and was so excited to show off his new material at the next family gathering. Unfortunately, he started with a knock-knock joke that took so long, we started knocking at the door out of boredom!
During a winter break, my cousin tried to tell us a joke he heard on a podcast. The setup was good, but the punchline arrived so late that we were back in summer before he finished!
Last Fourth of July, my cousin brought sparklers and insisted we create a grand finale with a joke competition. As we gathered in the backyard, I realized he took the competition too seriously, ending every punchline with an actual sparkler. He exclaimed, “And that’s how you light up the night!”
My cousin claimed his latest joke about fish was a real killer. When I asked for it, he delivered, but all I could think was that it must have flopped as bad as my fishing skills!
On Halloween, my cousin decided to dress as a joke book. He walked around the neighborhood and recited one-liners to trick-or-treaters. When he finally ran out of candy, he stammered, “Looks like these jokes don’t pay off!”
One evening, as we sat around a fire, my cousin tried to tell a spooky story that quickly turned into a tale of mismatched socks. When we all erupted in laughter, I said, “Looks like your punchline is scarier than the ghost!”
Finally, at my cousin’s wedding, he gave a heartfelt speech. As it slowly evolved into a terribly executed game of ‘guess that cousin’s story,’ I rolled my eyes, saying jokingly, “Remember, delivery is key!”