The Ultimate Blonde Jokes Collection
Welcome to our comprehensive collection of Blonde jokes jokes. We’ve gathered over 80 jokes covering every aspect of Blonde jokes humor.
Short Blonde Jokes
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house!
What do you call a blonde with a brain? A lab experiment.
How do you keep a blonde busy? Write “Please turn over” on both sides of a piece of paper.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? “Is it mine?”
Why did the blonde stare at the can of orange juice? Because it said “Concentrate”!
What’s a blonde’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat, as long as it’s under 140 BPM!
Why don’t blondes play soccer? Because they keep scoring own goals!
Why did the blonde put her money in the blender? Because she wanted to make some liquid assets!
How do you confuse a blonde? Give her a cup of coffee and a stirring stick!
Why was the blonde excited about finishing the jigsaw puzzle? Because it said “2 to 4 years” on the box!
What do you call a blonde at college? A visitor!
Why are there so few blonde jokes? Because we all know they’re too bright to be fooled!
What happens when a blonde gets an idea? Nothing, she has to wait for it to come back around!
Why did the blonde fail her driver’s test? She couldn’t find the turn signal!
What’s a blonde’s idea of safe sex? Locking the back seat of the car!
Why did the blonde cross the road? To get to the other side… of the hair salon!
How did the blonde die while drinking milk? The cow stepped on her!
What do you call a blonde who can count to 10? A mathematician!
Why was the blonde sitting on the floor? Because she was trying to get her gumball out of the vending machine!
Why don’t blondes use their hands? Because they can’t find the button on the microwave!
Have you heard about the blonde who discovered a new ocean? She named it the “Waterland!”
Why did the blonde get a job at the bakery? Because she kneaded the dough!
What did the blonde say when she was offered a job at the psychic hotline? “I’ll see what I can do!”
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday!
What did the blonde say to the doctor? “You’re not going to believe this, but I think I’m a person!”
Why did the blonde bring a pencil to bed? Because she wanted to draw the curtains!
Why did the blonde bring string to the bar? She wanted to tie one on!
What did the blonde do when she couldn’t find her house? She just parked the car and waited for it to show up!
Why was the blonde so good at basketball? Because she always traveled!
Knock knock! Who’s there? Blonde! Blonde who? Blonde you’re glad I’m here?
Why did the blonde look for a job at the gun shop? Because she heard they had great shooting staff!
Medium Blonde Jokes
What do you call a blonde who can pass a test? A miracle! One day, she decided to prepare for her upcoming biology exam and read the entire textbook. When she finally showed up for the test, she was determined to do her best.
Why do blondes hate ice cubes? Because they can’t find them when they’re frozen! After a party, one blonde found a frozen ice tray and thought she had a new soft drink invention. She spent hours asking everyone how to “unfreeze” her drink!
What did the blonde do after she finished her puzzle? She was so proud to say it only took her three weeks because the box said “2-4 years” for completion! She hung it proudly on the wall, calling it a masterpiece.
Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror for two hours? She was checking to see if her reflection was smarter than her! After all that time, she decided to add her lipstick… for “intellectual” enhancement!
How did the blonde attempt to cheer herself up? She planned a vacation in Hawaii. Months after planning, when her flight was about to depart, she realized she had not even booked a hotel. “But I was going to wing it!” she said.
What did the blonde say when she was walking through the park and saw a sign that read “Watch for children”? She started looking around everywhere. “Where? I don’t see any!” she exclaimed to her friend.
Why was the blonde always happy at parties? Because she thought everyone was there to celebrate her intelligence! At one party, she asked everyone what their IQ was, and declared hers to be the highest!
Why did the blonde bring a ruler to the bar? She wanted to see how long she could measure her drinks! Every time she poured one, she’d say, “See? One inch of tequila, perfect!”
How do you make a blonde disorderly? Give her a list of rules and see how long she takes to break them! At a recent meeting, she managed to follow only two of the ten rules before chaos erupted!
Why did the blonde need a flashlight in a bookstore? She was on a mission to find the “light reading” section. After an hour of searching, she declared, “They should really make those sections more subtle!”
What happened when a blonde was asked to draw a scenic landscape? She drew a picture of a bowling alley with a sunset! When someone pointed out her mistake, she said, “Hey, I just added my own flair!”
Why did the blonde visit the dentist? She wanted her cavities filled with “sweet resources!” After a great session of storytelling, she left still thinking she had a cavity in her wallet!
What did the blonde do when she couldn’t find her phone? She called the hotel to report it missing…only to realize it was in her hand! “Well, at least I know where my hands are!” she chuckled silly.
How did the blonde win the game of Charades? She acted out every possible emotion…and then got upset when they didn’t understand her version of ‘happy!’
What did the blonde ask when she found a four-leaf clover? She called it an “enhanced lucky charm” and spent the day hunting others for her “luck garden!”
Why did the blonde join a gym? She heard they offered group workouts and wanted to socialize while doing “heavy lifting!” She spent more time talking than exercising, but assured everyone she was “catching up” on fitness.
What did the blonde think about the calendar? “If I post it on social media, the date should change!” She spent days waiting for her posts to magically bring in days earlier!
Long Blonde Jokes Stories
Once upon a time, there was a blonde named Sarah who decided to take up cooking. One day, she read in a recipe that she needed to “whip the eggs.” Confused, she spent an hour trying to figure out how to literally whip her eggs until her boyfriend finally walked in and cracked up. “You just mix them, Sarah!” he said. So she mixed for five minutes but ended up with a spicy omelet that turned out to be the best meal they ever had! “I guess I don’t just crack jokes!” she declared.
In a small town, a blonde named Emma thought it would be a brilliant idea to start a gardening club. After weeks of planning, she decided to host her first meeting. As she gathered her friends to discuss the perfect flower arrangements, her friends showed up with actual gardening tools while Emma was sitting in a lounge chair with a watermelon and a paintbrush. “Wait, is this not how you watercolor with nature?” she asked. They laughed but ended up spending the day painting the outdoor nature pieces instead!
One day, a blonde named Lily decided to participate in a spelling bee. As she confidently walked on stage, she boldly approached the microphone and confidently spelled out “elephant.” The audience was astonished and applauded. But when asked to spell “dumbbell,” she paused and said, “Wait, is that one or two words?” The entire auditorium erupted in laughter, and she just smiled, “Well, does anyone have a dumbbell for me to borrow?”
In a small café, a blonde named Jenny decided to try her hand at becoming a barista. After watching several YouTube tutorials, she was excited to start her first day. As she crafted “complicated” lattes with swirled designs, she accidentally dropped a sign that read “Espresso Yourself!” on the floor. A customer picked it up and said, “Did you just espresso your fears?” Jenny burst into laughter, “Yes! It’s the best brew of confidence I have!”
Once, a blonde named Tessa tried to understand physics. She studied all night for her exam but couldn’t grasp the concept of gravity. During the exam, when asked, “What happens if you drop an object?” she boldly wrote down, “It gets embarrassed and falls in shame!” Her college professor read it and laughed so hard he gave her extra credit just for creativity!
There was a blonde named Zoe who loved to shop. One day, while at an electronics store, she saw a “sign up to win a new TV!” prize. She excitedly filled out the form and asked the cashier, “How will I know if I win?” The cashier said, “You’ll receive a call, ma’am.” Zoe responded with full confidence, “Great! I’ll just keep my phone on busy all day!” The cashier laughed, shaking her head, “Good luck with that!”
A blonde named Chloe was known for her unique business ideas. One day, she decided to create a line of beauty products called “Water Works.” When people asked why water, she simply replied, “Because everyone needs hydration!” For her launch party, she filled the entire room like a water theme park, complete with inflatable ducks and kiddie pools. “At least it’s a splash hit!” she giggled when customers asked what all the fuss was about.
During a summer road trip, a blonde named Mia was driving with her friends when they got lost. Instead of panicking, Mia simply pulled out her phone and said, “No big deal, I have GPS!” She confidently followed the directions but ended up at a petting zoo instead of their hotel. “Well, we’re here now! Who wants to feed the goats?” she exclaimed, turning a wrong turn into a memorable adventure!
There was a blonde named Hannah who had a passion for writing cookbooks. After years of trials, she decided to write her first recipe. The title? “How to Boil Water.” When friends asked what the “secret” was, she casually replied, “Just add a splash of magic!” When the book hit stores, it became a bestseller for its humor rather than practical advice!
One lovely spring day, a blonde named Lily decided she wanted to catch a butterfly. She spent hours playing and dancing in the flower fields, trying to woo the creatures with delightful songs. At one point, she stood still, singing like a bird. A passerby asked, “What are you doing?” She excitedly replied, “I’m just auditioning to join the butterfly choir!” The passerby giggled and said, “Do they have auditions, or are they just born with it?” Lily laughed, “Well, mine is definitely well-rehearsed!”
Finally, a blonde named Kelly signed up for a night class in art. On the first day, the instructor announced they’d be painting landscapes. Kelly took it upon herself to turn a plain canvas into a rainbow explosion of colors, proudly calling it “Sky on Fire!” At the end of the class, everyone asked her what inspired it. She replied, “Well, I just wanted to make trees look fabulous again!” The instructor grinned, secretly calling it the best creation that day!