The Ultimate Driver and Traffic Jokes Collection
Welcome to our comprehensive collection of Driver and traffic jokes. We’ve gathered over 80 jokes covering every aspect of Driver and traffic humor.
Short Driver and Traffic Jokes
Why did the traffic light turn red? Because it saw the car’s brakes!
What’s a driver’s favorite exercise? Running out of gas!
Why did the motorcycle break up with the car? Too much baggage!
What did the impatient driver say to the traffic jam? “Get a move on!”
Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired!
What do you call a traffic jam on a Sunday? A holy roadblock!
Why was the driver always calm? Because he knew how to keep his cool behind the wheel!
How do you catch a squirrel driving a car? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
What do cars do at a movie theater? Brake for snacks!
Why don’t we ever tell secrets on the highway? Because it’s hard to keep a straight line!
Why did the driver carry a pencil? In case he needed to draw a traffic line!
How do you make a car laugh? You tickle its funny bone!
Why do cars like music? Because they can’t stop hitting the high notes!
What kind of car does a Jedi drive? A Toy-Yoda!
Did you hear about the guy who lost his car keys? He couldn’t find his way home!
Why did the driver bring a ladder? He wanted to reach new heights in parking!
How does a traffic officer stay calm? By staying in the right lane!
What did the school bus say to the car? “Stop breaking my heart!”
Why did the speed limit break up with the car? It couldn’t handle the relationship!
What do you call a car with a bad exhaust? A smoke-sosaurus!
Why did the traffic cone get promoted? He always stood out in a crowd!
Medium Driver and Traffic Jokes
A driver gets pulled over by a police officer. The officer says, “I clocked you going 90 miles per hour!” The driver replies, “I know! I thought I was in a hurry, but now I’m just getting a ticket!”
A man buys a new car with a built-in GPS. He proudly tells his wife, “This baby will never get lost!” She replies, “Oh, it’ll find a way to lose you in your own driveway!”
Two cars are in a really bad accident, and one driver says, “I’ve never seen my insurance premiums skyrocket so fast!” The other driver replies, “Welcome to the ‘Bumper’ club!”
Why was the chauffeur so good at poker? He always knew when to fold and when to drive people home safely!
A tourist is driving through a city and asks a local, “What’s the best way to get to the nearest gas station?” The local replies, “Well, if I were going, I wouldn’t start from here!”
A taxi driver was having a long day. When he finally picked up a passenger, he jokingly said, “I hope you’ve got a good sense of humor because my driving is a real joke!”
Why did the old man stop driving? He couldn’t pass the vision test, but his parked car still looked great!
What did one driver say to another when they got stuck in traffic? “Looks like we’re in the fast lane… to nowhere!”
A driver was stopped for speeding. When the officer asked for his license, he said, “I don’t need one; I’m a professional at driving!” The officer replied, “Then you should really have known better!”
Why don’t traffic lights ever get jealous? They always know who’s going to stop and who’s going to go!
A car enthusiast asks his friend, “What’s the fastest car you’ve ever driven?” His friend replies, “The one that ran away with my last girlfriend!”
A bus driver picked up a passenger and said, “Hold on tight; it’s going to be a bumpy ride!” The passenger replied, “I came here for adventure, not a roller coaster!”
Why do police cars always drive in pairs? They have to keep their “cruiser” friendships intact!
An elderly lady is driving when she suddenly hits a pothole. She exclaims, “That pothole will be the death of me!” Her friend in the passenger seat replies, “At least it won’t be an accident!”
During a traffic jam, a driver gets bored and starts a karaoke session in his car. His friend next to him grumbles, “You’d better hope the traffic clears up, or we’ll be stuck listening to that for ages!”
What did the car say to the bicycle? “Just because you can’t handle the speed, doesn’t mean I can’t cut a few corners!”
A driver sees a sign that says, “Watch for children.” He grins and thinks, “Good luck convincing them to stand still!”
Why did the semi-truck apply for a promotion? It felt it was time to transport some serious cargo to the next level!
A man was pulled over and asked, “Do you know why I stopped you?” He replied, “Is it because my car is more attractive than I am?”
A woman jokes with her husband in the driver’s seat, “If you don’t stop teasing me about my driving, I’ll take the wheel and show you real talent!”
Long Driver and Traffic Stories
Once a man bought a brand new sports car and decided to take it for a spin. As he was driving down the road, he saw a red light ahead. Thinking he could beat the light, he accelerated. He zoomed through just as the light changed. A police officer immediately pulled him over. The officer approached and said, “I didn’t know lightning could strike twice!” The driver sheepishly replied, “I was just testing out the acceleration, officer!” The officer laughed and said, “Next time, test it on a race track!”
A husband and wife were driving on a road trip and got caught in terrible traffic. Frustrated, the husband said, “This is ridiculous! We’ll never make it to the hotel!” The wife calmly replied, “Well, at least we have time to enjoy the beautiful scenery!” They ended up pulling off the highway to a beautiful viewpoint, took some amazing pictures, and ended up enjoying the delay more than they expected. “Maybe a little traffic isn’t so bad after all,” he admitted with a smile.
One day, a man found himself stuck in a massive traffic jam during rush hour. He was visibly agitated and honked his horn repeatedly, hoping to hurry things along. An elderly lady in the car next to him turned and said, “Honk all you want, sonny! This traffic isn’t going anywhere fast!” He paused and realized she was right. They started chatting and soon discovered they shared many interests. By the time the traffic cleared, they exchanged numbers, and what started as a hectic morning led to a fantastic friendship.
A taxi driver picked up a frantic passenger who was late for a meeting. He pressed on the gas, weaving in and out of traffic, and finally dropped the passenger at the meeting with seconds to spare. The passenger threw a hefty tip into the driver’s lap and exclaimed, “Thank you! You saved my job!” The driver smiled and replied, “No problem! Just next time, maybe plan for the unexpected traffic, eh?” The passenger laughed and nodded.
A new driver was so nervous about parallel parking that he practiced for hours in the empty parking lot. When he finally took to the streets, he approached a tight space and tried to maneuver his car in. After several awkward attempts, a passerby said, “Don’t worry, buddy. You’ll get the hang of it!” The driver smirked and shouted, “Well, I was hoping to parallel park, not parallel struggle!”
A group of friends decided to take a road trip and each took turns driving. After hours in the car, they agreed to switch drivers at a rest stop. The new driver, eager to show off his skills, immediately got lost after missing the exit. When he finally pulled over to ask for directions, his friends burst out laughing. “Next time, maybe stick to driving straight instead of taking detours!”
One rainy day, a woman was driving her car when suddenly her windshield wipers stopped working. Panicked, she pulled over to the side. A good Samaritan happened to pass by and offered to help. “Let me take a look!” he said. After fiddling with the motor, they both realized it was just a simple fuse issue. As her wipers resumed their job, she couldn’t help but laugh, “I can’t believe I was just moments away from driving blind!”
A carpool of friends shared laughter on their way to work every morning. One day, they got caught in a massive traffic jam. To lighten the mood, one friend proposed, “Let’s have a contest! Whoever can make the craziest face at the car next to us wins!” As they all made ridiculous faces, the other driver reciprocated, causing everyone to erupt in laughter. They could hardly remember the delay after the hilarious spectacle.
A couple was on a road trip and got lost. They bickered back and forth until the husband jokingly said, “Let’s ask the GPS!” The wife replied, “Are you sure? Last time, it sent us into the lake!” Laughing, they finally pulled over and consulted a map. Somehow, navigating old school turned out to be easier, and they reached their destination faster than the GPS would have taken.
During a long commute, a guy in a flashy car was showing off. He sped up on the highway, trying to impress other drivers, but soon hit a pothole and blew a tire. A nearby driver pulled over and smirked, “Looks like speed doesn’t impress the potholes!” Shaking his head, the flashy driver realized being flashy wasn’t worth it after all.
A husband and wife were heading home when suddenly, traffic came to a halt. Frustrated, the wife yelled, “This is unbelievable!” The husband replied, “Well, at least we have plenty of time to talk!” She grinned and said, “Fine! What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?” From then on, every traffic jam turned into a mini date, filled with ice cream talk and laughter.
A dad took his teenage daughter out for driving lessons. As they reached a busy intersection, she stalled the car. A nearby driver shouted, “Come on, let’s go!” The dad smiled at his daughter and said, “Don’t worry; in time you’ll be yelling at other drivers, too!” She rolled her eyes, “Great—looking forward to that!”