The Ultimate Dad Jokes Collection
Welcome to our comprehensive collection of Dad jokes jokes. We’ve gathered over 80 jokes covering every aspect of Dad jokes humor.
Short Dad Jokes
Why did the dad bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
I told my dad to embrace his mistakes. He cried. Then he hugged my sister and me!
What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory!
How does a dad keep his pants up? With his dad belt!
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated!
Why did the calendar always feel crowded? Because it had too many dates!
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? She will let it go!
Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
I told my kids I was going to do a dad joke marathon, but they said I could only go for a dad jog!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you!”
I got fired from the calendar factory for taking a day off!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!”
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time!
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space!
I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It’s a little fishy!
Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it!
I wanted to be a doctor, but I just didn’t have the patients!
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet!
I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something!
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally!
The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran!
My New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating, but I’ll wait until next week to start.
Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems!
How did the barber win the race? He knew all the shortcuts!
Medium Dad Jokes
Why did the dad joke cross the road? To get to the other side—and to tell you another one!
Once, my son asked me what my favorite exercise was. I told him, “Doughnuts!” He rolled his eyes and said, “That’s why you’re not doing push-ups!”
A child asked his dad, “What’s a solar eclipse?” The dad replied, “It’s like when the moon’s trying to photobomb the sun!”
One day I asked my dad what some more advanced math terms mean. He said, “Son, a tangent is like a curveball in baseball, it doesn’t go straight!”
My kid asked me why I always wear a belt. I said, “To keep my pants from falling down… just like my sense of humor!”
In a family board game night, my daughter exclaimed, “Dad, how do you always win?” I said, “Because I cheat at dad jokes!”
I told my children I could make any animal sound. They asked me to prove it. So I loudly barked like a dog and said, “See? That was a dad dog!”
When my son said he wanted to play with his math toys, I said, “Are you calculating how to have fun?”
My daughter told me she would rather hear a joke about pizza than listen to me. I replied, “That’s a little cheesy!”
I once asked my dad what day it was. He said, “Every day is a dad day if you want it to be!”
When we went on a camping trip, my son asked why I brought a broom. I said, “To sweep you off your feet when we tell campfire stories!”
My kids love it when I tell jokes. They always laugh—probably because they’re just so keen to leave the room!
The moment my son asked why I was always telling dad jokes, I said, “Because I’m the joke that keeps giving!”
One day, I tried to be cool and asked my kids if they wanted to hear a joke about construction. They replied, “Dad, we’re still building up to that!”
Whenever I hang a picture, I tell everyone it’s my new wall art. My wife says it’s just me trying to decorate like I play dad jokes—one pun at a time!
My son once asked me how long I plan to keep making dad jokes. I replied, “As long as you find them funny—so forever!”
When my teenage daughter started dating, she complained about her boyfriend’s dad jokes. I said, “If only he knew mine!”
On a road trip, my son asked why we didn’t take the highway. I said, “Because we wanted some pun-derful scenic detours!”
Sitting at breakfast, my son said I was full of dad jokes. I said, “That’s because I’m a dad—and you’re my daily joke!”
My son once asked if I could turn a frown upside down. I said, “Sure, but that just makes a ripple in the surface!”
When my son asked how much I love telling dad jokes, I said, “To infinity and beyond—a pun out of this world!”
Long Dad Jokes Stories
Last summer, I decided to take my kids camping. As we set up our tent, my son asked, “Are we sure this is a good idea?” I replied, “Don’t worry! Adventure awaits!” After three hours of confusion, tangled ropes, and finally achieving a less-than-perfect tent, I stood back and smilingly said, “Well, at least I got my workout in!” My daughter rolled her eyes and said, “Hopefully, you’ll have time to figure out how to put up our beds next!”
One Sunday morning, as I was flipping pancakes, my daughter asked, “Dad, why do you always tell us dad jokes?” I paused and said, “Well, because it’s the only time I can flip them without getting a groan!” Both kids burst into laughter, and my wife chimed in, “And it’s also the only time you feel good about yourself!”
One day, my family visited a pet store. My son said, “Dad, look at that fish!” I said, “Let’s get it a job!” My daughter giggled and replied, “Dad, it’s a fish, not an employee!” I laughed and said, “That’s the ultimate job—swimming in fancy water!”
In the backyard, my son was struggling to assemble his new bike. I walked over and said, “Need some help?” He gave me a look and replied, “Dad, you can’t even bike in a straight line!” I said, “That’s because I’m always taking detours to tell jokes!” He just shook his head.
One holiday season, as we unwrapped gifts, my daughter said, “These are great presents, Dad! But do you have a gift for your dad jokes?” I smiled and said, “Sure! Every time I tell one, it’s a gift that keeps on giving joy!”
We once had a family game night. I got overly competitive and shouted out a pan of jokes. My son looked at me and said, “Dad, this is a game, not a comedy show!” I replied with a grin, “Every game needs a bit of humor. You can’t get humor without me!”
While gardening, my daughter pointed at a budding flower and asked, “What do you call this?” I replied, “That’s a blooming good joke waiting to happen!” She just rolled her eyes, “Dad, your garden of jokes is in full bloom!”
When we decided to go roller skating, my son wobbled and yelled, “I’m going to fall!” I shouted back, “That’s okay; just don’t fall into any dad jokes!” Mid-skit, he tripped but landed dramatically. I said, “See? You’re a natural at comedic performances!”
One night at the dinner table, my daughter said, “You know, Dad, we’d enjoy dinner more without your jokes!” I smiled and said, “True, but then it wouldn’t be a dad’s dinner, would it?!”
During a car ride, my kids were arguing about their favorite ice cream flavors. I chimed in, “You both need a scoop of dad wisdom!” They groaned, “What’s that?” I proudly said, “Whatever flavor makes you laugh more!”
One evening while watching TV, my daughter turned to me and asked if I could turn off the dad jokes for once. I said, “Only until the next commercial!”
On a phone call with an old friend, I mentioned a dad joke I had made at breakfast. I said, “It was pandemonium in the kitchen when I dropped the punchline!” He laughed and replied, “That’s why you’re the King of the dad jokes!”
After a game of charades, my daughter said, “You know, your impersonations of animals are something!” I grinned and said, “I’m trying to channel my inner chicken!”
As I tucked my kids into bed, my son asked for just one more joke. I leaned in and said, “Why don’t scientists trust atoms?” He said, “I don’t know, why?” I replied, “Because they make up everything!” The kids giggled, and just before I left the room, I said, “Just give me a call if you need more bedtime puns!”
After cooking a complicated meal, my wife asked how I feel about it. I said, “It tasted great, but the real flavor was my dad jokes added on the side!” She sighed, “Maybe we should stick to the recipe next time!”
Finally, during our holiday gathering, I told everyone I would enlist in comedy classes. My son interrupted, “Dad, we already sign up for dad jokes—you’ve mastered that!” I smiled and replied, “I’m just trying to find the punchline of life!”